Dealing with the Family in Crisis
by Amy Sherman, LMHCIt doesn't take much to put a family in crisis. Your child is using drugs; your spouse is out of work. Your test rests are questionable or you're going through a divorce. One day everything is fine and the next you are all in the throes of chaos. How do you handle the challenge of getting your family back on its feet, able to cope with whatever lies ahead, without everyone succumbing to the calamity?
Change can be difficult, especially when you least expect it. But knowing what to do during these challenging times is the best way to counter any long-lasting ill effects.
There are several steps you can take to move the family beyond the pain and into a healing mode:
1. You need to show them you can maintain your personal sense of control. This lets them know you are not feeling helpless and that there are things you can do to improve the situation, no matter what it is. Helplessness leads to despair and despair leads to apathy, which is very difficult to overcome. Your control allows the family to actually thrive during the crisis, eventually restoring the family to normalcy and calm.
2. Remember that it is impossible to change someone else. You can be supportive, encouraging and available, but it is up to the person him/herself to gain the insights to make the change.
3. Identify your self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that are keeping you and your family from moving toward a solution. When you say you can't do something, you are setting yourself up for failure before you even try.
4. Don't be afraid. Fear keeps you from taking action. Therefore, do something, anything to bring back order and calm into your life. Educate yourself by exploring all the available resources on the internet, newspapers, magazines, etc. The more you know, the greater the likelihood you will find something to help you handle the crisis. You become the expert - then there's nothing to be afraid of and no need to be concerned about the unknown - because you are prepared.
You family can recover and learn to cope in the healthiest way, during a crisis. With your insight and strength, the family can become the viable happy unit it's supposed to be.
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Amy Sherman, LMHC, is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice. She is the author of "Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer's Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life." Visit http://www.bummedoutboomer.com and receive a Special Report on Overcoming Adversity when you sign up for the free eNewsletter. Amy can be reached at amy@bummedoutboomer.com or 561-281-2975.